Sunday, April 29, 2012

I lied

More than two months ago I claimed that I was going to start posting to my blog again.

I'm sorry my friends.

I lied.

This morning I had a rare opportunity to sit at my computer and read other people's blogs. Rare because, while I used to spend hours every day parked in front of the computer, reading, writing, researching, and often just goofing off, I now do nothing on the computer but monitor my bank account and pay bills. I check facebook and email on my phone while sitting at the pool for Delaney's swim practice but I avoid my computer like the plauge when I'm home from work.

Oh, did I mention work? Those hours that I used to spend on the computer, or cleaning the house, planning meals, baking, running kids around, bathing the dogs, gardening, and thinking about what I would like to write... those hours now belong to Scholastic.

I'm the first to admit I have been fortunate, some would say spoiled, to be able to spend so many years at home. I made good use of much of that time but I also wasted a lot of it. I don't have that luxury anymore.

I need to work.

Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy my job and I am so lucky to have it! When I finally accepted that I needed to start working full time I had no idea what I was going to do. I never imagined that I would spend all day talking with librarians, teachers, and parents about children's literature.

I also never imagined how exhausting it would be to add ten hours of work related activity into my day.

I know a lot of you have been doing this your whole adult life and have managed to achieve far more than I have. So tell me, blogging friends, how do you do it? How do you drag yourself out of bed at 5am, work all day, feed your family, get them to their activities, keep your house clean, and still manage to find time to write?


4 comments:

Mrs. G. said...

I don't have a full-time job yet, so I can't give an informed answer. Your job sounds cool.

xoxo

Leeann said...

I've never managed to go back to work at anything more than part time since I had my kids. I found it overwhelming and I didn't cope with it well. I found myself feeling quite angry that I was still responsible for *everything* I was doing before and now was working on top of it.

Rob and I agreed a year and a half ago that I was putting a lot of self induced pressure on myself. I didn't *need* to work at a job to be working. (Mind you, you have known me long enough to know that I am in no way passing any judgment at all- I am talking about MYSELF and MY FAMILY exclusively here.)

This has eased my mind greatly. I finally was able to give myself permission to recognize that I work my ass off between 6-8:30AM and 3-10PM. That's almost ten hours! I deserve that time to get errands done in a leisurely fashion and relax if I want to. And my life has been much better for it.

That being said, my mind is beginning to turn to other things. I'd like to develop some new interests and hobbies, take a class or two. But Sloooowly.

So, long story short, I don't know how it's done. I didn't handle even part time work well. I do admire people who can manage everything.. I guess if I HAD to, if there were no choice, I would do it.

Is all this even an answer?!

dkuroiwa said...

first of all....i would love your job. i think that to be able to spend everyday, surrounded by all those wonderful books would be just...heaven.

i have worked various definitions of "full time" for a very long time. i'm busy....but now? it's a good busy. it's one that I have more control over than ever. i know bad busy. i don't ever want to do that again. no one was happy and it was NOT pretty in this house.

i'm not sure that i'm handling this busy the best way that i could, there's always room for making things better....but it's pretty much a hit-and-miss kind of thing.
i do know that i have a lot of "grass is always greener on the other side" moments with other working moms....
and now...i'm like Leeann...was that even an answer??

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I have recently made the adjustment to full-time work and all I can say is that it is a HUGE adjustment.