Thursday, June 21, 2012

First day of summer

Disappointment, like a slightly sulphurous fog, dragged along the floorboards, pouted in the corners, swirled behind her and puffed from the cushions when she threw herself into the chair.  Summer was not living up to her expectations.

Friday, June 15, 2012

More lies

“Know the story before you fall in love with your first sentence. If you don’t know the story before you begin the story, what kind of a storyteller are you? Just an ordinary kind, just a mediocre kind – making it up as you go along, like a common liar.”    John Irving

My first week of summer leave flew by in a cloud of dust and debris.  The detritus of six months of inattention and schedules that are just too tight to allow any real deep housecleaning had to be purged. The house usually appears relatively tidy on the surface but underneath lurks a monster.  This week I attacked the monster... and clipped it's toenails.  Last night I told Bob that what I really want right now is a dumpster.  I would open the windows upstairs and just toss everything in.  Craft projects never completed?  Into the dumpster!  Clothes that haven't been worn in years.. or ever?  Into the dumpster!  Paper.. paper.. and more paper.. into the dumpster!  I'm like this when overwhelmed by my own inaction and desperate to get on top of the problem.  Obsessive, over-committed, willing to throw it all away and start fresh.  You've probably figured out that I'm not just talking about housekeeping now, right?

A fresh start.  In life this is pretty hard to achieve but in writing it's easy.  If you don't like where your story is going just toss it out and start again.. it's all just made up anyway!  And that is the problem.  If it's just make-believe to you then you aren't telling the truth.  If you aren't planning a future for your characters they will never live on paper or in the minds of your readers.  If you have no compunction about literally throwing your baby out with the bathwater then why in the world are you writing?

Unfortunately, my writing life lately is a lot like my housekeeping.  Six months of doing nothing has left me aching to write but there are monsters lurking in my subconscious, and they won't consent to being tossed, shredded, or stuffed in a box and dropped off at goodwill.  What kind of storyteller am I?  Desperate to get something on paper in the six weeks I have left before I go back to work I risk becoming a common liar.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

I lied

More than two months ago I claimed that I was going to start posting to my blog again.

I'm sorry my friends.

I lied.

This morning I had a rare opportunity to sit at my computer and read other people's blogs. Rare because, while I used to spend hours every day parked in front of the computer, reading, writing, researching, and often just goofing off, I now do nothing on the computer but monitor my bank account and pay bills. I check facebook and email on my phone while sitting at the pool for Delaney's swim practice but I avoid my computer like the plauge when I'm home from work.

Oh, did I mention work? Those hours that I used to spend on the computer, or cleaning the house, planning meals, baking, running kids around, bathing the dogs, gardening, and thinking about what I would like to write... those hours now belong to Scholastic.

I'm the first to admit I have been fortunate, some would say spoiled, to be able to spend so many years at home. I made good use of much of that time but I also wasted a lot of it. I don't have that luxury anymore.

I need to work.

Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy my job and I am so lucky to have it! When I finally accepted that I needed to start working full time I had no idea what I was going to do. I never imagined that I would spend all day talking with librarians, teachers, and parents about children's literature.

I also never imagined how exhausting it would be to add ten hours of work related activity into my day.

I know a lot of you have been doing this your whole adult life and have managed to achieve far more than I have. So tell me, blogging friends, how do you do it? How do you drag yourself out of bed at 5am, work all day, feed your family, get them to their activities, keep your house clean, and still manage to find time to write?

Sunday, February 19, 2012

I'm baaacckk... maybe

A little history...

The title of the blog was originally Ginaagain, and again, and again because ginaagain has been my email address since the beginning of time (if you take into account that time did not actually exist before we had internet access.) Back in the old days of newsgroups and chat rooms I was occasionally hit on by guys who thought my screen name was an invitation of sorts.

But it wasn't.
And I'm mean to guys who hit on me.

Ginaagain is actually a reference to my mobius strip life.
Round and round I go thinking I'm actually getting somewhere.

But far too often I end up back where I started.

A year or so ago I changed the name of the blog to Gina again.. rethinking everything.
Then I stopped writing.

And didn't think about much either.

So.. I'm back..
and again...

Until I get it right.


by Shel Silverstein

I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.