The Naked Sun Dance

It's springtime in the Pacific Northwest and while spring is a lovely season, everywhere else in the world, here spring is just a different way of spelling winter. It's cold, people, COLD! I know that those of you who are desperately trying to stay cool as the thermometer soars past the 100 mark will have no sympathy for me but I'm going to complain anyway. For criminey's sake! It's 50 degrees outside and it's raining. The dogs won't even go out. It was warmer in February! It's cold enough to freeze my bippens off and I don't even know what bippens are...



Now this weather isn't completely unusual for Washington, in fact, we always lag behind the rest of the country in temperatures, but every couple of years we miss spring entirely and don't get much of a summer. During one of those years I found myself desperate enough to bargain with the weather gods or demons or imps.. whatever. On the 4th of July, when the temperature did not rise above 50 and the rain didn't stop long enough to see even the smallest of fireworks I vowed that I would make the rain stop. I publicly declared that I would do a naked sun dance to entice the giant yellow orb back to our skies.

People scoffed but, when the sun did not appear on July 5th, I did indeed dance naked (in my shower.) On July 6th the sun still stayed away and I danced naked again (in my bedroom with the blinds closed) and on July 7th the sun peeked through the clouds and it finally started to warm up.

I didn't dance anymore that year but I did nurse my baby immodestly all summer long and the sunshine continued to trickle down. It wasn't perfect but it was good enough. Apparently the sun is a minor letch and is happy with an occasional bare nipple.

Fast forward to 2008... It's the second week of June and I'm feeling mighty desperate. I've thought long and hard about this and have decided it's time for another Naked Sun Dance.

Are you listening Mr Sun? If you don't get your big glowing rear out from behind those clouds I am going to dance again. I will dance naked in all my frightening 44yr old glory and my marshmallow white skin will outshine your silly UV rays. I fully intend to drop my housecoat and let it all hang out, cesarean scars, stretch marks, hairy moles, cellulite and all! I am not kidding Mister. You have three days to comply with my demands for light, warmth, and vitamin D or the dance will commence.

AND IT WON'T BE PRETTY!!