1. Vacations. Months of stress planning it, a week of anxiety getting ready, a really crappy day travelling, five days of manic activity in order to do everything possible to create a week worth remembering, another really crappy day travelling, a week of whining and adjustment to normal life, months of stress paying it off. Wouldn't it just be easier to stay home?
2. Dogs. They make too much noise when they chasing each other around and having fun.
3. Medicine. Yeah, yeah, you can control my blood pressure, cholesterol and toenail fungus. You have procedures to make me thinner, tighter, prettier, and menstruation free. You can give me pills to make me happier or at least less likely to scream uncontrollably. But there is a price for everything. And there is no cure for 43.
4. Butts. Larger in real life than in my head. (butt head?) How many bruises do I have to get before I realize that I am now the size of a small planet?
5. Laundry. Can't get it done, can't forget about it, can't burn it, can't throw it away, can't give it away, can't talk someone else into doing it.
6. Weed Whackers. Hello, stupid neighbor. That device you are wielding is designed to chop down small patches of vegetation that are difficult to reach with a lawn mower. I know, I know. You've never heard of this strange device called a lawn mower. Which is why you are cutting your entire front yard with the freaking weed whacker!
7. The Media. I know I'm just an ignorant college dropout without your fancy journalism degree and all... but I seem to remember someone telling me that journalists report the news, not create it and there was some other stupid stuff like journalistic integrity and impartiality. Silly stuff really... elementary journalism I suppose. You probably learned how to make up stories and write inflammatory headlines in those advanced classes that I didn't bother to take.
8. The Sun. Oh unfaithful lover. You tempt me out of my sweater. You tease me with a gentle touch. Then you leave me for that puffy gray slut you've been hanging around with.
9. Ipods. You sucker in foolish teenagers with promises of unlimited portable music. With your electronic siren song you lure them onto the rocks hearing loss and poor school performance. Then, three months after your evil warranty expires, you break.
10. Coffee. Oh you evil bean. You seduce me with promises of smooth satisfaction but after a morning in your company all I'm left with is a bad taste in my mouth, a hypersensitivity to noise, and a nasty case of the twitches.
Bonus # 11. Blogger. Layout, Preview, Adjust, Preview. Perfect. Publish. Shit. Try again. Publish. Shit. Try again. Worry that google reader will show everyone how many times you messed up. Preview. Publish. Shit. Give up.
4 comments:
lol! All I can say is thanks for sharing. I could have probably written a few of them myself.
LMAO, oh Gina, your posts lately are just cracking me right up!!!
I'm not liking blogger too much lately either. But I'm so bad with technology I wouldn't know where to start to change it up or move it. Oh I wish I were 20 again so I could figure this technology stuff out at the drop of a hat. No cure for 42 either LOL!
Touche'
I can relate to most of these!
I can relate to the butthead portion! Well, to be honest, I can relate to most of this.
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