So, I decided to lose 70lbs but after spending some time researching my options I have found that, short of lopping off body parts, there are only a few ways that I could possibly lose 70 lbs in five weeks.
A bushel of corn weighs an average of 70 lbs.
A 70 lb heavy bag could get lost if I left it laying around outside... ok, maybe not but I bet somebody would come haul it away for me if I put an ad on Craigslist.
Gracie and George are about 70 lbs combined and both have a tendency to take off running if they get out the front door. It would be quick and easy to lose them. But it would make me sad.
Maybe I could get a bigger dog and lose him?
UPS could lose 70 lbs for me if I packed it incorrectly and neglected to put their overweight label on the box...
American Airlines might lose it for me but not if I wanted it to leave the country. 70 lbs is too large for international travel.
Faced with the facts I have decided to refine my goals. I will lose a nice reasonable twelve pounds. I will go to the wedding and be the o l d e r sister. I will look old enough to be the mother of the bride because I am. I will celebrate my beautiful, talented, accomplished sister and I won't care that she got all the pretty genes.
Then I'm going to Disneyland.