Bits and Pieces...

Emily at Marx Foods has asked me to help her spread the word about their Salmon Recipe Contest.


If you have a great recipe they are hoping to hear from you. The deadline to enter is June 20th and the prize is 15lbs of wild salmon. I have two recipes for salmon. One I created for the (now defunct) Philadelphia paper "PhillyFeast". It features two quintessential Seattle products, Salmon and Beer. Yum! The other one is a very simple recipe for a whole salmon on the grill. This one is actually my favorite because it's so easy but I did not create the recipe.

I have an update for anyone who is interested in the outcome of the Naked Sun Dance. Yesterday was the deadline for the sun to shine and, lo and behold, it did! By the time the kids were home from school it was sunny and a fantastically warm 65 degrees. Heavenly!

My husband now believes I have magical powers and is urging me to use them for the good of humanity. My daughter is just relieved that I kept my clothes on. It's pretty cloudy this morning but the weather report says it will be sunny again this afternoon.

Earlier this week two of my children declared that they are now vegetarian. Neither of them are citing any specific reason for this recent dietary change other than pointing out that dogs are like small cows and it would be wrong to eat our dogs. Huh?

I'm ok with this though. Anything that reduces my cooking duties is fine by me. Bob (who is definitely not a vegetarian) is flying to Germany tomorrow morning and I'm planning meatless meals for next week. It should be interesting. If you have a good recipe I'm definitely open to suggestions.

Check back this afternoon for the winner of the rug contest!

Ten things that are annoying me right now!

1. Vacations. Months of stress planning it, a week of anxiety getting ready, a really crappy day travelling, five days of manic activity in order to do everything possible to create a week worth remembering, another really crappy day travelling, a week of whining and adjustment to normal life, months of stress paying it off. Wouldn't it just be easier to stay home?







2. Dogs. They make too much noise when they chasing each other around and having fun.








3. Medicine. Yeah, yeah, you can control my blood pressure, cholesterol and toenail fungus. You have procedures to make me thinner, tighter, prettier, and menstruation free. You can give me pills to make me happier or at least less likely to scream uncontrollably. But there is a price for everything. And there is no cure for 43.


4. Butts. Larger in real life than in my head. (butt head?) How many bruises do I have to get before I realize that I am now the size of a small planet?





5. Laundry. Can't get it done, can't forget about it, can't burn it, can't throw it away, can't give it away, can't talk someone else into doing it.




6. Weed Whackers. Hello, stupid neighbor. That device you are wielding is designed to chop down small patches of vegetation that are difficult to reach with a lawn mower. I know, I know. You've never heard of this strange device called a lawn mower. Which is why you are cutting your entire front yard with the freaking weed whacker!

7. The Media. I know I'm just an ignorant college dropout without your fancy journalism degree and all... but I seem to remember someone telling me that journalists report the news, not create it and there was some other stupid stuff like journalistic integrity and impartiality. Silly stuff really... elementary journalism I suppose. You probably learned how to make up stories and write inflammatory headlines in those advanced classes that I didn't bother to take.







8. The Sun. Oh unfaithful lover. You tempt me out of my sweater. You tease me with a gentle touch. Then you leave me for that puffy gray slut you've been hanging around with.

9. Ipods. You sucker in foolish teenagers with promises of unlimited portable music. With your electronic siren song you lure them onto the rocks hearing loss and poor school performance. Then, three months after your evil warranty expires, you break.






10. Coffee. Oh you evil bean. You seduce me with promises of smooth satisfaction but after a morning in your company all I'm left with is a bad taste in my mouth, a hypersensitivity to noise, and a nasty case of the twitches.





Bonus # 11. Blogger. Layout, Preview, Adjust, Preview. Perfect. Publish. Shit. Try again. Publish. Shit. Try again. Worry that google reader will show everyone how many times you messed up. Preview. Publish. Shit. Give up.

The Naked Sun Dance

It's springtime in the Pacific Northwest and while spring is a lovely season, everywhere else in the world, here spring is just a different way of spelling winter. It's cold, people, COLD! I know that those of you who are desperately trying to stay cool as the thermometer soars past the 100 mark will have no sympathy for me but I'm going to complain anyway. For criminey's sake! It's 50 degrees outside and it's raining. The dogs won't even go out. It was warmer in February! It's cold enough to freeze my bippens off and I don't even know what bippens are...



Now this weather isn't completely unusual for Washington, in fact, we always lag behind the rest of the country in temperatures, but every couple of years we miss spring entirely and don't get much of a summer. During one of those years I found myself desperate enough to bargain with the weather gods or demons or imps.. whatever. On the 4th of July, when the temperature did not rise above 50 and the rain didn't stop long enough to see even the smallest of fireworks I vowed that I would make the rain stop. I publicly declared that I would do a naked sun dance to entice the giant yellow orb back to our skies.

People scoffed but, when the sun did not appear on July 5th, I did indeed dance naked (in my shower.) On July 6th the sun still stayed away and I danced naked again (in my bedroom with the blinds closed) and on July 7th the sun peeked through the clouds and it finally started to warm up.

I didn't dance anymore that year but I did nurse my baby immodestly all summer long and the sunshine continued to trickle down. It wasn't perfect but it was good enough. Apparently the sun is a minor letch and is happy with an occasional bare nipple.

Fast forward to 2008... It's the second week of June and I'm feeling mighty desperate. I've thought long and hard about this and have decided it's time for another Naked Sun Dance.

Are you listening Mr Sun? If you don't get your big glowing rear out from behind those clouds I am going to dance again. I will dance naked in all my frightening 44yr old glory and my marshmallow white skin will outshine your silly UV rays. I fully intend to drop my housecoat and let it all hang out, cesarean scars, stretch marks, hairy moles, cellulite and all! I am not kidding Mister. You have three days to comply with my demands for light, warmth, and vitamin D or the dance will commence.

AND IT WON'T BE PRETTY!!

Menu Plan Monday

I'm finally back to planning after several months of just winging it and I'm happy to know I'm going into this week with a plan and a refrigerator full of food for the week. Now I just have to stick to my menu.

Tonight we had guests and we cooked a fantastic Copper River Salmon on the grill. It was delicious! Unfortunatly I'm allergic to seafood so I'm trying to type this quickly before the benedryl kicks in and I start snoring. I know I'm insane.. but it was sooooo good.

Monday - Roast Beef, Mashed Potatoes, Carrots

Tuesday - Beef and Salmon Fajitas made with Sun and Mon leftovers

Wednesday - Baked Chicken, Rice, Green Beans

Thursday - Cobb Salad

Friday - Fried Chicken, Potato Salad, Corn on the

Saturday - Make your own Panini Sandwiches

Sunday - Breakfast for Dinner

Thanks to Laura at I'm an Organizing Junkie for hosting Menu Plan Monday. Check out her site for hundreds of menus.

Don't forget to register for my FLOR area rug giveaway! The drawing should be later this week.

I'm so excited!

UPDATE 6/11/08 : I will be closing comments sometime around midnight Friday, June 13 and the drawing will be done Friday morning... after I've had my coffee. Check back around 12pm Pacific time to see who the winner is!

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FLOR and Maximo designs have teamed up to offer one of Alexander Girard’s classic designs “La Fonda del Sol” in FLOR’s unique modular carpet tiles. The product is really pretty cool. It’s an eco-friendly (see... I’m still green), anti-microbial, high quality carpet that comes in squares that you can arrange any way you like. You can read a lot more about it here.

FLOR has given me one 3’x5’ La Fonda del Sol Mandarina area rug to give away.


I thought long and hard about what I should require in order for one of you to win this (Because I wouldn’t mind keeping it myself… but that’s against the rules. Darn!) and finally decided that you don’t have to do anything! I’m just that nice… and I hate making decisions. So, in order to enter the contest all you have to do is write a comment on this post telling how you would use this rug (or just say you want it.) I will assign a number to each person who leaves a comment and, when we have over 100 entrants, I will have a random number generator pick the winner. FLOR's media relations person will ship the rug directly to the winner (so I can't snag it) within 2 weeks. I’m going to rely on you guys to pass the word along so that we can get to the 100 minimum quickly. Ok?

Unfortunately, there is one catch... FLOR is unable to ship internationally so only readers who have addresses in the U. S. and Canada are eligible. Also, members of my family are not eligible. Sorry guys... I’ll do another chocolate give away soon and everyone can enter.

So start commenting. I am truly excited about this and I hope you are too!

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P.S. You don't have to have a blogger id to enter. Just leave an anonymous comment but be sure to put your name and email address in it so I can contact you if you win.

The results are in! Thank you for entering!

Gulp!

It's time for end of the year science projects!

A Gulper eel isn't the most glamorous of animals to make a model of.

But the model does have a few good uses...

Dog training tool.

Sister Abuse!

Or a new best friend.

La Fonda del Sol Giveaway

When life gets hard and I need an escape I run away to a place where life is good. It’s a delightfully quiet place full of sunshine and cacti. Where lizards zip around in the noon sun and warmer blooded animals seek out a shady spot for a nap. Sophisticated ladies in linen dresses and wide brimmed hats pour limeonade into heavy hand-blown glasses and sit on the veranda chatting while their good natured and silent children dip their toes in the tiled pool. Occasionally, muted laughter drifts into the house where the men are sprawled on the spotless chrome and white leather sofas discussing the morning’s game and how tricky the dogleg on hole 17 is.

In my fantasy life everything is perfect. There is no dust, no laundry, white walls are fingerprint free, and the colors are always coordinated. It’s a mid-century modern paradise straight from the pages of the 1960’s Sunset magazine collection that my aunt kept in her family room. And occasionally I have to spend a few days pretending I’m there… so I don’t scream my head off. However, like a good 1960’s Mommy, when I return, (with my valium smile, wobbling slightly in my pumps, but looking altogether much less insane) I always bring gifts.



So, my dearies (oops... that’s kind of Wizard of Oz, not the tone I’m looking for here.) So… Dahlings… I have a surprise for you! The delightfully modern, yet oh. so. chic. company FLOR has offered me the opportunity to give one of you a really cool gift.
But first... a little design history. Alexander Girard was one of the greats of mid 20th Century textile and furniture design. His use of bold patterns and bright colors in textiles started a revolution that changed the design world.

“The simple geometric patterns and brilliant primary color ranges came to be because of my own urgent need for them on current projects. As you will remember, primary colors were frowned upon in those days; so were geometric patterns. I had the notion then, and still do, that any form of representational pattern, when used on folded or draped fabric, became disturbingly distorted, and that, therefore, a geometric pattern was more appropriate for a draped fabric. Also, I was against the concept that certain fabrics were ‘suited’ to certain uses – like pink for girls or blue for boys!”
Alexander Girard: Quoted in an essay by Jack Lenor Larson. 1975 Design Quarterly # 98/99

FLOR and Maximo designs have teamed up to offer one of Girard’s classic designs “La Fonda del Sol” in FLOR’s unique modular carpet tiles. The product is really pretty cool. It’s an eco-friendly (see... I’m still green), anti-microbial, high quality carpet that comes in squares that you can arrange any way you like. You can read a lot more about it here.

FLOR has given me one 3’x5’ La Fonda del Sol Mandarina area rug to give away.


I thought long and hard about what I should require in order for one of you to win this (Because I wouldn’t mind keeping it myself… but that’s against the rules. Darn!) and finally decided that you don’t have to do anything! I’m just that nice… and I hate making decisions. So, in order to enter the contest all you have to do is write a comment here telling how you would use this rug (or just say you want it.) I will assign a number to each person who leaves a comment and, when we have over 100 entrants, I will have a random number generator pick the winner. FLOR's media relations person will ship the rug directly to the winner (so I can't snag it) within 2 weeks. I’m going to rely on you guys to pass the word along so that we can get to the 100 minimum quickly. Ok?

Unfortunately, there is one catch... FLOR is unable to ship internationally so only readers who have addresses in the U. S. and Canada are eligible. Also, members of my family are not eligible. Sorry guys... I’ll do another chocolate give away soon and everyone can enter.

In which I turn green...

As an enlightened 21st century mom it is important to me that I model responsible stewardship of our planetary resources. I recycle everything I can, I use non-toxic cleaning products, I changed all of my light bulbs to freaking annoying energy saving florescent, I turn the water off when I brush my teeth... but I drive a Suburban. Oops.

When we first bought the Suburban it made a lot of sense. I had four kids, three of them in carseats, and two dogs. We frequently took long trips by car. And gas was $.98 a gallon. Yes it was.. I know it sounds unbelievable but it really was. As the kids got older I had room for extra friends, sports equipment, band instruments, and groceries. When we were homeschooling the kids had enrichment classes all over the place and the Suburban was our mobile classroom, lunch room, and napping area. It really was the perfect car for my family.

But lately the Suburban has become a bit of an embarrassment. Like an ancient dog who slobbers on guests and farts uncontrollably... I still love it but I really don't want to take it out in public anymore. I am tired of answering the question "How much does it cost you to fill that thing up?!" I'm also ashamed to frequently be the only person in a vehicle that seats nine.

So, this weekend I was dragged, kicking and screaming decided to look at new cars. I told Bob that we were only going on a fact finding trip. We are not buying anything today! And I meant it. Until we walked into the Toyota dealership. There it was... a rare and difficult to find Camry Hybrid. Having never actually seen one I was overcome with curiosity. I had to drive it.

I was in love by the first stoplight.

When I returned to the dealership there were two couples waiting to drive the car and I really didn't want to share. So I bought it.

I did, however, let them look at it while we did the paperwork. Which made it rather hard to negotiate with the salesman when one couple decided to wait around, just in case we didn't qualify. In actuality there was no negotiation. He told us how much we would pay and we paid it. Ouch. However, the money I have been spending on gas for the Suburban will offset 80% of the payment on the Camry.

So, in less than two weeks I have quit my job, changed my hair, and bought a new car. I told Bob I think I'm having a midlife crisis. He said it's ok as long as I'm not planning on trying out any new guys.

Sorry Mr. Clooney. I love your electric Car but you can't be my secret boyfriend.

The last post about my hair... I promise

Before

and

After

What do you think of the new color?

Cleaning up old files

I've been going through old computer files, finding ideas for stories I haven't written, research I don't remember doing, and articles that were actually published long, long ago. Today I found this in a file marked "journal". It was the only entry but it was enough. Ian was seven, Zane was three, and Taylor wasn't quite a year old. I was 31.



Sunday night. We try to squeeze the best out of the last few hours of the weekend. Bob and I trade shots of Jim Beam while I spike the BBQ sauce and marinate the spare ribs. Who could resist an open bottle of 7yr old Kentucky Bourbon? Jimmy Buffet is on the stereo and we are dancing in the living room while my eighty year old neighbor across the street stands in her front window shaking her head.

The baby is ready for bed. She isn’t yet old enough to join in on the Sunday celebration. I wish I could spend time cuddling with her but she squirms away and reaches for her crib. Already she is so self-determined, stubborn, and individual. She knows who she is and what she wants. I miss the dependant little bundle she once was and rejoice in the person she is now.

Dinner is messy and noisy. Giggles and ribs, good wine, and kool-aid. “Shhhh. You’re sister’s sleeping” means nothing. Ice cream drips on the table cloth and streaks down little arms leaving trails in the dirt there. Ah, well, warm water and soap work wonders and then it’s pajama time.

This is time to savor the little things. The fresh earth that is waiting for seed in the back yard. The big, little boy who wants to tell me all about the book he is writing. It has 7 chapters, all named and each marked for six pages in his spiral bound notebook. I wonder if he will still be writing in twenty-five years?

The little, big boy wants to sit on my lap and demands a story.. not from a book but from Mom’s “story box." No excuse will dismiss this demand. His hair smells like fresh cut pine. I have no idea why. He cuddles under my chin and patiently explains what the story must be about. In the end, I’m not sure which of us is telling it.

Finally all little bodies are asleep, dishes done and the bbq sauce cleaned from the floor. I’m sitting here trying to capture it all and feeling disappointed with the effort. How can I freeze these last few hours? How do I remember these kids just like they are this minute? I can’t. No picture or word can distill the essence of Sunday night. Tomorrow they will be different people, one day older and every day changes them. All I can hope for is to keep a little of this in the corner of my mind to pull out on the bad days, the days that I’m not so happy with my lot in life. Tonight I can’t think of anything I’d rather be than who I am.

A pathetic plea for help

In the wonderful film "Educating Rita" there is a scene that has haunted me for the last twenty five years.

Not the bravery of a working class girl fighting to better herself despite the ridicule she faces as a non-traditional university student. Not the hope and eventual love she inspires in her professor or even the bittersweet ending.

No, the scene that has haunted me for twenty five years is in the salon where she cuts hair for a living. A fat, dumpy, middle-aged woman presents Rita with a photo of Princess Diana and says "Make me look like that." Ever since I saw the movie I have lived in fear of being that woman.

I need a haircut badly but I need some advice first. Please save me from being a deluded middle aged woman with a picture of a haircut she can never possibly wear!

This is me... no not on a bad hair day, this is a pretty typical hair day. The unfortunate look on my face is because Delaney had my camera and was taking dozens of close-up pictures of the dinner I was trying to cook.

I have a round face and a pointy nose. I think my eyes are my best feature but my bangs tend to hide them. My hair has suddenly become more gray than I am comfortable with so that's going to have to change too. Oh.. and I wasn't wearing any makeup in this photo either. Why did I choose to use it? Because, sadly enough, it's the best current photo I have.

This is how my hair is currently cut... sort of. My neck is a lot shorter than hers so the back fringe is always sticking into my collar and my bangs stubbornly refuse to do that graceful swoop.

And these are some of the cuts I'm considering.
I think I probably don't have long enough hair or enough neck for this one but I like the way it frames her face.

These two are pretty much the same cut. I think it would work better with the short neck but I'm worried my face will just look rounder.

I think the shorter length of this one would be easier to manage but I'm not sure I want to lose that much length.

Then again... perhaps I'll just cut it all off and go back to super short hair. It's certainly easier to deal with although I worry that I don't look very feminine with very short hair. However, with the mood I'm in right now I really need to decide something soon or I might just shave it all off!

What do you all think? I honestly think that you all are far more stylish than I am and I trust your opinions. Help me.. I'm desperate!

************

Here's an additional picture of me when my hair was short... it was taken two years ago.

Losing 70lbs...

As I mentioned the other day, my sister is getting married in June and I need to lose some weight before the wedding. I am not in the wedding but I will see family members that I haven't seen in quite a while. Plus the wedding is on the beach in San Diego and I don't want to look like a beached whale.

So, I decided to lose 70lbs but after spending some time researching my options I have found that, short of lopping off body parts, there are only a few ways that I could possibly lose 70 lbs in five weeks.



A bushel of corn weighs an average of 70 lbs.

If I left this bushel out in a field of goats it would be gone in no time at all.

A 70 lb heavy bag could get lost if I left it laying around outside... ok, maybe not but I bet somebody would come haul it away for me if I put an ad on Craigslist.

Gracie and George are about 70 lbs combined and both have a tendency to take off running if they get out the front door. It would be quick and easy to lose them. But it would make me sad.

Maybe I could get a bigger dog

and lose him?

UPS could lose 70 lbs for me if I packed it incorrectly and neglected to put their overweight label on the box...

American Airlines might lose it for me but not if I wanted it to leave the country. 70 lbs is too large for international travel.

Faced with the facts I have decided to refine my goals. I will lose a nice reasonable twelve pounds. I will go to the wedding and be the o l d e r sister. I will look old enough to be the mother of the bride because I am. I will celebrate my beautiful, talented, accomplished sister and I won't care that she got all the pretty genes.


Then I'm going to Disneyland.

and I'm going to eat whatever I want

George and Gracie

Yes Laura...



That George and Gracie.



Am I awful?